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Moving On & Being Comfortable

So as of three weeks ago, I officially have a Masters degree. In ten days, I will no longer be a university student.

For the first time in my life, I am no longer a student in an education setting. To put it mildly, I already need to find my feet in the big wide world.

A lot of this has made me really anxious. Even though we are in the middle of a pandemic, I want to move on really badly even though I know that it is scary. I know that the pressure should be lessened because of the toll that it has taken on so many people, I believe this is the right step for me. 

And I think this is why.

Because I am really out of practice.

Being in the same job for two almost three years means that CVs, interviews and job applications are but distant memories. And this makes me really apprehensive.

As someone with anxiety, the rejection and the sense of being viewed only by my accomplishments means that fear is getting the best of me.

To put it lightly: I'm being comfortable. Because I have a job that is OK and somewhere to stay. I have security. 

And I hate it.

Because even though I have said it to myself as a reassurance. It has now come to the point that it is the opposite.

This wouldn't have happened if I didn't have some pressure. Which in some situations is a bad thing. But I think that I need it.

Currently, I know that I am not happy in my current job. I am just liking the comfortable nature of it.

But while this is happening I am not trying to do all the things that matter to me and my dreams. The things that I put off until after graduation.

I know I need to move on and stop being comfortable. So I think the pressure is good because I need to have new priorities.

And I can make myself into someone I want to be rather than the person I am now.

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